December 1, 2003

TIME IS MOVING ON

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:12

This year has flown by. It's now the final month of 2003. Looking back over the past eleven months, I can say that God has been faithful. He has brought me a long way. Through storms and sunny days, through intense spiritual battles that have always ended in great spiritual victories. As I am going forward. by God's grace, I am pressing on.

But because of all that is going on in my life at this time, there will be some things that I will have to put on hold in December.

I will probably do only a small amout of journal writing this month. I have correspondence to handle instead, especially as the holidays approach. I am also working on several writing projects.

With the Lord's help I am preparing messages on depression, suicide, youth violence and gangs. A friend wants to help in getting these messages printed into tract form so that they could be distributed to different places as opportunities present themselves.

And as for my work assignment at the prison's Intermediate Care Program (E-North), during the month of December more of my time needs to be spent with the residents. This is because of the increase in cases of depression among them.

During the holidays feelings of isolation, separation and depression are more prevalent. So I want to be there for these guys should any of them be struggling with these things, or if they have other needs such as writing a letter home.

Some of these men may need a listening ear, or they will want me to pray for them.

David Berkowitz

December 2, 2003

UPCOMING JOURNAL

As I mentioned in yesterday's journal, I will be cutting back on some of my writings for this month. However, God willing. I hope to resume my writing in Janurary 2004.

I do plan to broaden next year's journal in that I will be sharing more about my early life.

My journal may begin to be something of an autobiography written over time in small and scattered protions, as long as the Lord gives me direction to do this.

These autobiographical writings will also be interspersed with more stories about my prison experiences and observations, as will as whatever spiritual messages or words of encouragement the Lord gives me.

In fact, I have a wealth of things to say that will, I pray, shed light on my life from past to present.

There's also so much erroneous information out there, and even many twisted facts seen and expressed through the distorted and biased eyes of "professionals" in the fields of psychology and law enforcement.

People from all walks of life have, throughout the years, parroted their theories and ideas that, to me, are foolish and vague and useless.

In 2004, therefore, it will be time for some of this to change, and for more clarity and understanding to come. I also hope the Lord will l use me in a greater way as I delight myself in Him. (Psalm 37:4).

David Berkowitz

December 7, 2003

JOY WILL COME

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Psalm 30:5b

I awoke this morning, looked out my little window, and I found a world white with snow.

The snow looks so pure.

And as I am sitting in this warm prison cell I am thinking about all the animals who live in the woods that surround this facility. They endure the cold. They've adapted to it and they have no problem locating their sources of food. They know how to survive.

The hills beyond these walls are filled with black bear, deer, squirrels, skunks, raccoons and many other kinds of four-footed creatures.

Likewise the trees are full of nesting birds such as sparrows, blackbirds and blue jays, none of whom could care less about the warmth of Florida. They're content to make their respective homes in the trees and rocks of this region, and to endure the cold dark winter.

Somehow these creatures manage to survive winter's brutal storms. Life goes on for them. And so it is with us. God has made a way for His children to survive and thrive in difficult times and places as well as during our times of rest and quiet.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

I believe I know about these varied seasons--the seasons of my life---from my walking with the Lord all these years. Through it all, Jesus has been with me, God has been so faithful.

Woe to me if I should ever give up, if I should ever turn back from following Christ.

David Berkowitz

December 11, 2003

SAVING A LIFE

He showed many of the signs of someone who was suicidal. He was not himself at all.

Steven (pseudonym) is in his early 20s, and has been in prison for several years already as he serves out his 12 year sentence for shooting another man multiple times with a handgun as they argued on a Bronx street.

Fortunately for Steven his victim didn't die. He just staggered away with three bullet wounds in his torso. But had Steve killed this man, he would be facing 20 years to life instead of what he "copped out" to in court.

As is often the case these days, his crime revolved around drugs. And with so many young inner city men packing guns, the days of resolving disputes with clenched fists are pretty much over. When I saw Steven earlier this afternoon he looked awful. He was sitting on his bunk showing me a pathetically sad countenance, and his head was hanging down. He did not make eye contact with me as he normally would do.

Instead he kept his head facing down toward his right hand, where, using his left hand, he was painting bright red crosses with a small brush on the top of his right hand with some kind of ink.

Steven was also wearing a large white crucifix that was attached to a set of milky white rosary beads that encircled his neck. The white crucifix seemed to stand out even more because he had on a dark green sweatshirt.

I've seen this look before. And when I asked him how he was doing, he just mumbled something that I could not hear, as he continued to paint himself.

I then asked a neighbor in the cell next to his if he had seen Steven giving away any of his possessions to the other inmates. He admitted that Steven did so.

--continued--

December 12, 2003 (continued)

I quickly realized what was up.

After I watched Steven (pseudonym) for another minute or so, I then went downstairs to the first floor of the cell block. I asked one of the correction's officers who was on duty if I could peak with someone from E-North's mental health staff.

The officer then gave me the okay to go to the offices where the mental health people work. When I spoke to a counselor and a social worker and appraised them of the situation, they then made a phone call and requested that Steven be escorted to their office by a guard.

My job was done. Having reported the incident, they, along with a psychologist, examined Steven and determined that he needed to be placed in the Obeservation Unit for a while: he was indeed suicidal.

Later in the day the social worker thanked me for letter her know about Steven's condition. She said I made a "good call" (a good observation) and that I probably prevented Steven from hurting himself.

I thank God that I was in the right place at the right time.

David Berkowitz

December 13, 2003

STRESS & SUICIDE

People who are incarcerated sometimes start to develop a diminished capacity to cope with their pain. They're under stress, and being confined to a small prison cell, at some point they can begin to feel trapped and helpless.

"Steven" was going through this. By his actions he was clearly communicating to me that he was in distress. He was losing his abillity to cope with his incarceration.

And I know from my own struggles and experiences with suicidal thoughts and actions, that in this environment suicide is seen (tragically) as a way to escape the seemingly unending pain and frustration that manages to build up more and more as time goes on.

Steven was depressed. The holidays are approaching. He misses his family.

So I was glad that I was able to be there for him in this time of need.

He did not openly express his depression or his suicidal thoughts to me, of course. Men, in general, seldom ask for help. But I have been trained to watch for the signs.

Steven's actions were a loud cry for help that, fortunately, was heard.

David Berkowitz

December 16, 2003

OPPORTUNITIES

During the past few weeks the Lord has provided me with a handful of good opportunities to share my faith with some of the prisoners, and to encourage them, too.

Earlier today I was talking to a young man who was born in El Salvador, a country in Central America. He came to the United States when he was a child, but as he grew up in New York City he fell in with some gang members. Now he's doing a sentence of 7 1/2 to 15 years for robbery.

He was stunned when I told him that he was only one year old when I came to prison, and that I have already been incarcerated for more than twenty-six-years.

We had a good conversation, however, and he admitted to me that he needs to repent of his sins and place his faith in Jesus Christ.

He did not make a decision to trust in Christ when we were speaking together. But he promised to consider and carefully weigh all that I told him.

This 27 year old man struggles with depression and he misses his family. Yet I made it clear that it is God whom he needs above all else.

Furthermore, I kindly told him that, if he places his faith in Christ, that the Lord would give him the ability to survive his years of imprisonment, and to successfully endure each day.

As a Christian I am thankful to be used by the Lord as an instrument of His peace as I minister to the hurts and needs of my fellow prisoners.

However it is simply the Lord Jesus working through me the same as He does with every one of His servants. (Philippians 2:13).

David Berkowitz

December 25, 2003

THE BEST BLESSINGS: DYING WITH AND FOR CHRIST

Anyone watching Christian TV as their main source of spritual food, may think that God's whole purpose is to bless every Christian and make us all happy. That our joy as believers in Christ primarily comes from getting things, or by having certain prayers answered in the way we want them to be.

May I be so bold as to say that our greatest joy should be in giving our lives to Jesus Christ to do as He will with each of us (Romans 12:1,2).

I think that we're more blessed to be able to give our lives for Christ's sake than to get all those so called "blessings form heaven"

This is why I find myself so humbled and astounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ who live in Third world countries, and who actually suffer deprivations, and even beatings and death because of their choosing to serve the Lord.

These martyrs and "sold out for God" servants are perhaps the most blessed of all Chrisians on the earth. They have the privilege of being partakers in Jesus' sufferings, and of having a bond with the Lord that perhaps we in the United States of America have probably never fully experienced.

"For unto you it is given in behalf of Christ, not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for His sake"

Philippians 1:29

"That I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto His death."

Philippians 3:10

In examining these Scriptures, and as I compare these words with our modern day Christianity, I am wondering if we're even practicing the same faith?

In the Bible, the early church gave their material possessions away.

And all that believed were together, and had all things in common; And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.

Acts 2:44-45

Sadly, much of North America's version of Christianity encourages craving and obtaining possessions.

Then, if we do not get our prayers answered the way we want, we get angry at God and we're ready to abandon the faith. Surely this is a different kind of Christianity, I'm afraid, than the faith that's displayed in the Bible.

For the Holy Scriptures reveal that sometimes being a believer in Jesus the Messiah may result in the loss of all things.

"And other had trial of cruel mockings and scourging, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment: They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wondered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented; (of whom the world was not worthy) they wandered in deserts and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth"

Hebrews 11:36-38

I must confess, I know little of this kind of life and this kind of suffering. But according to Jesus' own words, how blessed are those men and women who experience such things for His sake.

"Blessed are they which are persecuted for reighteousness; sake: for their is the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 5:10

I shall always be deeply grateful to my suffering brethren for their good confession, and for their demonstration of genuine Christian faith.

I am sure that each of them, whoever and wherever they are, have their times of doubt, struggle and fear. They are not "super-saints," of course.

And I am not idolizing the church's martyrs, nor am I placing persecuted Christians on a pedestal. But I do, however, believe they have much to teach the Christians of North America.

Therefore may our hearts be open to them as they lead by example, and as they risk everything to follow Him, Are we doing likewise?

My prayer for myself and for the church is that we will live with eternity in mind. That we will unite with our suffering brethren through our prayers and by supporting worthy evangelistic ministries.

May we choose to do without various luxuries so that we may have more to give to missions.

I also believe that our intercessory prayers greatly help. The lovors of our suffering brethren, combined with our prayers, will never be in vain.

David Berkowitz

December 28, 2003

WORDS FROM FRIENDS

A Christian couple who have been writing to me for several years said some things in a recent letter that helped and encouraged me so much. I wish to share a portion of their letter now, as it speaks volumes:

"We read your daily journals dated September 1-4. We empathize with your heart cry for reconciliation, and your desire to be able to tell Mrs. Moskowitz in person how very sorry you are for what happened.

David, you have been so maligned by the media especially concerning your appearing before the parole board, just to name an example. Furthermore, just when you think the dust has settled along comes another journalist wanting to stir up more interest in your past so that he may profit. Inmates periodically inform you when a story has been televised concering your infamous past. There is no escaping it as much as it tears at your soul.

You are on Satan's hit list. The answer is so simple--you are one of God's trophies. You have a testimony of the grace of God that is touching thousands upon thousands around the world. Unfortunately, you will have to deal with this (the past) all the days of your life.

You can overcome it by the Blood of the Lamb and the world of your testimony. You have been doing that, but you are flesh and blood just like the rest of us, and sometimes the darts that are hurled at us hit their target and are unbelieveably painful.

David, you have apologized for your crimes to all those whose lives you have affected forever. You have drenched your pillow with tears mumerous times; you have sent countless prayers to the throne room of God in their behalf.

Furthermore, you have made a public declaration of your sincere regret and repentance for your past. You are a living testimony of the grace of God and you are "shouting it from the housetops" to coin a popular phrase.

Jesus suffered rejection and you are sharing in His sufferings as well. Philippians 3:10 You wrote once that one of the things that hurts you the most is when Christians do not believe that you are born again.

Well, David, we may be very surprised when we get to heaven and see who made it and who did not. We are commanded to forgive, and the Word assures us that we will not be forgiven if we do not forgive those who have trespassed against us.

There will be a myriad of people who will be there because of your testimony and prayers. Likewise there will be others who wil not be there because they chose not to forgive you.

Our hearts go out to Mrs. Moskowitz also and to all those who have lost loved ones. You have written many letters to her and that first 10 page letter that you wrote to her was no doubt written in the valley of tears--you have done all that you can possible do.

In Christ

G and L

Ontario, Canada"

David Berkowitz

December 31, 2003

JOSEPH

But as for you, ye though evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people.

Genesis 50:20

Today I was thinking of the famous Bible character, Joseph. At the age of seventeen he was thrown into a pit in the ground, and later he was thrown into a prison cell.

Joseph was despised and rejected by his own brothers who were jealous of him. They sold young Joseph into slavery, separating him from his beloved father, Israel, and ultimately robbing Joseph of his youthful years.

But in the end all the suffering he went through was worth it. His trials helped to build his character, and they made him ready to be used by God.

As events unfolded, Joseph was able to save the lives of his own family, as well as the lives of hundreds of thousands of people when a terrible famine descended upon the land for seven long years.

God can take our worst predicaments and turn them into victories. He can take curses and turn them into blessings. and all of what Satan has meant for evil in our loves, God can turn everything around for our good.

For God is the God of all flesh, and nothing is to hard for Him.

"Ah Lord God! Behold, Thou has made the heaven and the earth by Thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing to hard for Thee."

Jeremiah 32:17

Thus, with a new year approaching, I will keep Joseph's story in mind. His saga was one of hope, and so is mine.

David Berkowitz